“…Been putting out the fire with GASOLINE!”
As long as there’s Bono, you’ll never be the only person on Earth thinking about Bono.
My breasts have been mistaken for giant, shelled oysters
When a woman is slapped in the face with a penis in a porno flick, I’m guessing it’s the equivalent of being knighted in their world.
The best part about men cutting the sleeves out of their t-shirts, is allowing their daughters to use the leftover sleeve as a tube top.
I think the reason I hate Justin Bieber so much is because he’s prettier than any woman I’ve ever slept with.
I like to think of guacamole as the Mexican peanut butter.
It’s raining men, hallelujah!
I never really did cocaine. Just smelled it, is all.
It’s pretty fun to pull up next to a student driver and angrily mouth the words, “you’re fucking dead!”
Rubbing elbows is cool at industry parties, but not at urinals.
As a carpenter, the worst irony Jesus ever suffered was marveling at what a great job the person who built the crucifix did.
